"It Doesn't Have a Heartbeat!"

This week has been incredibly emotional. I spent a good portion of Tuesday evening, Wednesday and Thursday crying my eyes out. I was filled with worry, anxiety, and fear. Last night I returned to my office to collect my things. Thankfully, the HR manager did not stay in my office while I packed up-she left me to myself.

I applied for unemployment. I know that I was fired, but I think I have a pretty strong case. The worst that can happen is that they say no.

I had my first two beta draws: 148 at 15dpo and 298 at 17dpo. A doubling time of 47 hours which is on the slower side, but still within normal range. I will go back on Monday morning.

Last night I told Dan to say goodnight to the baby. He laughed and said "it doesn't have a heartbeat!" I told him it didn't matter. But then I think I fell asleep before I could nag him any longer.

I went to a temp agency today called Sparks. I am not thrilled about the idea of a temporary job but I am motivated by the thought of some income for the forseeable future. I am confident that with strict budgeting and deprivation we could survive on Dan's salary alone, but that wouldn't be much fun. I reviewed our budget line for line. My goal prior to the baby arriving is to pay off my car loan which will free up $400.00 per month that can then be used for miscellaneous things. We have about 8 months to do it. I just hope I can secure a job ASAP--making some money is better than making no money.

Dan has a three day weekend this weekend. He is planning to work Saturday and Sunday but I'd like to have a nice relaxing day at home on Monday to get our heads together on how we will survive the near future. It's going to be tough!

My goal for next week: be joyful every day for the tiny soul growing inside of me, and to have faith in my husband and I's relationship that everything WILL be ok.