"It Doesn't Have a Heartbeat!"

This week has been incredibly emotional. I spent a good portion of Tuesday evening, Wednesday and Thursday crying my eyes out. I was filled with worry, anxiety, and fear. Last night I returned to my office to collect my things. Thankfully, the HR manager did not stay in my office while I packed up-she left me to myself.

I applied for unemployment. I know that I was fired, but I think I have a pretty strong case. The worst that can happen is that they say no.

I had my first two beta draws: 148 at 15dpo and 298 at 17dpo. A doubling time of 47 hours which is on the slower side, but still within normal range. I will go back on Monday morning.

Last night I told Dan to say goodnight to the baby. He laughed and said "it doesn't have a heartbeat!" I told him it didn't matter. But then I think I fell asleep before I could nag him any longer.

I went to a temp agency today called Sparks. I am not thrilled about the idea of a temporary job but I am motivated by the thought of some income for the forseeable future. I am confident that with strict budgeting and deprivation we could survive on Dan's salary alone, but that wouldn't be much fun. I reviewed our budget line for line. My goal prior to the baby arriving is to pay off my car loan which will free up $400.00 per month that can then be used for miscellaneous things. We have about 8 months to do it. I just hope I can secure a job ASAP--making some money is better than making no money.

Dan has a three day weekend this weekend. He is planning to work Saturday and Sunday but I'd like to have a nice relaxing day at home on Monday to get our heads together on how we will survive the near future. It's going to be tough!

My goal for next week: be joyful every day for the tiny soul growing inside of me, and to have faith in my husband and I's relationship that everything WILL be ok.

You're Fired

It's the 11th day of the year and it's already been a roller coaster.
At 4:30pm yesterday I was called into my bosses office. The Director of Human Resources was there. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't think it had anything to do with me. After 20 minutes of talking and questions, etc...I was fired. I was fired for innappropriate conduct. There was an incident about 2 weeks ago where a group of my subordinates and other from the office were joking around about a vibrator that was bought for an individual. I was singled out because I am a supervisor, and I should have told them to stop. Apparently someone overheard the laughter and joking and reported it as sexual harassment. The entire incident was in no way sexual. But, that's how it went down.

This morning I had my first HCG Beta draw for the little bean. It came back at 148 which is an excellent number of 15 days past ovulation. It's true---I really am pregnant. I will go back for another set of labs on Friday and hopefully my first ultrasound on the 23rd.

I'm trying not to stress about being unemployed. I doubt that I can collect unemployment. I doubt that I can find a full time job, and even if I do I will lose it when I have the baby because I won't be covered under FMLA. I've never considered being a stay-at-home mom, but maybe this is the path I am being lead down. I do love taking care of the house, and being involved in the community, etc. I think if financially we are able to swing it, maybe I will give it a go. If I don't find a job in the next month, maybe I will try a temp agency until I deliver just to save up some money. Maybe I'll just pick up a part time job. I'm not exactly sure. We will figure it out as we go.

One thing I am endlessly grateful for is a husband who loves me all the time, no matter what. He does not judge me, belittle me, or make me feel bad for losing my job. Thankfully most people understand that it was just an unfortunate circumstance which I don't know enough details about and I was made an example of. My husband constantly reminds me that "we will figure it out" and "everything will be fine".

I believe him.

One Goal Accomplished!

The first week of 2012 has been extraordinary. First of all, on Monday the 2nd I turned 30 years old. Secondly, Dan will officially begin his promotion on Monday the 9th. Thirdly, we conceived! I am 12 days past ovulation today and have taken at least 12 at home tests that confirm it- we're pregnant!

I guess this puts a real rush on the other things on our list---home improvements, life changes, and getting healthy.

We're prepared to begin the basement project next weekend. I know it's going to be a several week venture when you include walls, flooring, electrical, plumbing, etc. etc. etc. but I am so excited for the extra living space. We've already decided the back area of the basement will be a play area. Whoa. There's going to be a small child in my home in 9 months that never leaves!!!

I've been working on collecting new healthy recipes. Pinterest certainly helps with this!

My first doctor's appointment for the official HCG blood draw will be this week. Pregnancy is a LOT of waiting! I can barely stand knowing that it will be 5 months before we know the sex!

We continue to debate how and when to tell our parents. We've already told several friends, and some have guessed (guess its obvious when you order a lemonade at a sports bar....). I want to wait until the first ultrasound. He wants to tell them after the blood draw. I am just so nervous that something will go wrong!!! Also, I'd like to find a creative way to tell them. Maybe I'll work on that today.

Hello, 2012

Today is the first day of 2012.
Tomorrow I will turn 30.

In 2012, I hope the following:
We become pregnant with our first child.
I am able to get back into a fitness/strength training routine.
Our basement project gets completed.
We are able to visit my best friend, Tara, in Hawaii one more time.

I hope to post to this blog at least one time per week throughout 2012. I tend to be incredibly random and will allow myself to use this blog without rhyme or reason---there will most likely be no continuity of theme or style of writing. But, then again, this blog is just for me. So---the most likely outcome is that it's a compilation of lists and random ramblings of things on my mind that day. =)

Here is to an amazing new year.